Side Effects of Not Being Scientifically Literate

The New Mexico whiptail has the distinction of being a female only species. It is parthenogenic, which means it can self-replicate without fertilization. Parthenogenesis occurs among some species of vertebrates and invertebrates, and what's special to note about all of them is that they occur among the female of the species, never male.

You're wondering why I'm bringing this up, aren't you? Welcome to the wonderful world of Mpreg - or male pregnancy. A fetish written by women who are mothers themselves or who have no intention of getting pregnant, it involves anal cavities magically being turned into a uterus to grow a new life form. How this works, or where the child comes from, exactly, is determined on what world or alternate universe (AU) they have created. 

In this context, I'll be talking about the First Civilization of Assassin's Creed. This is based on the kink meme post, seen here:

Let's consider this for a moment: you're an advanced race, capable of creating technology that can alter the very fabric of time and the universe. You do not have an established sex, or can adopt the reproductive systems of either sex. All fine and dandy. But - you created humans. You made them have a binary sex, and you made them 'in your image'. Does that mean the First Civ had a binary sex, or at least some variant of it? 

In this canon, hybrids of humans and First Civ possess Eagle Vision and other unique abilities which makes them stand out from ordinary humans. Humans eventually overran the First Civ by numbers alone; it is clear humans bred more and at a much faster rate (thanks, binary sex!). Even if the solar flare did not happen, it may well have been the case the First Civ would have been bred out of existence - which occurs in our world with hybridization of native plants with invasive species. 

So, why, then, are males singled out here? Do hybrids possess secondary sex characteristics belonging to females? Is that why, with rectal insemination, they are capable of having children? Depending on who you ask, in this crazy fetish, men can undergo 'estrus' and produce hormones, as well as get a period - in their anus. 

A daily reminder these stories are written by women who don't seem to understand why it is that women, and not men, gestate and why women menstruate. 

Here, we have a Renaissance variant of a condom, because Ezio is undergoing 'morning sickness' from receptive anal sex:

Ezio tried the sheath next time he bedded a woman. It was quite a different experience going sheathed versus going bare. He didn't love it, but the memory of the vertigo and vomiting from whatever sickness he caught last time was fresh in his mind, and he didn't want a repeat of that experience.

He used the sheath diligently for the better part of a year (washing it between times, of course) and it served the purpose; he never caught another instance of the vertigo and vomiting. The ladies were enthused at the novelty of it, anyway.

If condoms were in use back then, a lot of venereal diseases could have been avoided. Syphilis being one of them; if you haven't seen the late stages of syphilis, it makes you look like an IRL zombie from Resident Evil. 

"I am not ill. I am with child."
Sofia stared at him. Then, she laughed softly, her eyes watering. "No, please, dear, tell me the truth."

Ezio smiled. "I am telling you the truth."
"Ezio, you are not serious."
"I am quite serious, Sofia," he said, looking into her eyes so that she could see no joking glint. "The House of Auditore has this oddity. In our bloodline, the men as well as the women can fall pregnant."

This would mean the Auditores are, technically, intersex, possessing both sets of human reproductive organs. But where a man's 'uterus' would go in his body, I cannot yet say. Women's bodies are designed to expand and stretch, and even the bones move around in childbirth. Women's spines are designed to curve to accommodate the additional weight; men do not have these plates. The author does not have an answer; asking about it earns you the 'asshole' title.

"It began just this past week. And it can't be the clap. I have no warts or bumps. But I feel light-headed, and I vomit right after rising from bed. What kind of odd sickness is this which develops a month late, and the cure for which makes me piss blood?"

"Excuse me sir, but my penis just shed its lining. No, I swear I didn't get a circumcision. I need a manpon, stat!"

"Well it's a fucking ordeal," Mario said. He then laughed brightly, taking a seat on the well. "Ehi, nipote, how old were you when Petruccio was born?"

Ezio had set the bottle down by now, the cork back in the neck. "I don't recall offhand. It was... It was winter, I know that much."

"Quite young, then. So young that you don't remember it was your father who bore him!" 

Probably explains why Petrucchio was so sick. That reminds me: if men can get pregnant in this universe, is cell replication the same? Are there any spontaneous abortions? Where is the child forming? How is semen in the anal cavity received and delivered to the large gametes? Are the large gametes stored near the prostate gland? Come on, inquiring minds want to know!

 "Was that... the cause for his being so sickly?"Merio chuckled. "Oh I doubt that! If men-born children were all sickly, then myself and your father would not be the robust specimens we are!"

Ezio's brain froze a moment and his jaw dropped. "Y-you and Papà... were..."
"Borne by our father Placido Auditore," Mario said proudly, "who was himself borne by Renato Auditore."

Let's be honest here. If these men can have assbabies, it completely negates the need and existence of women. Women would not be needed to gestate and nurse young; men would be capable of it. The problem with this is, since men scientifically have less genetic material than women, this would make them the worst test tubes for these First Civ hybrid babies. There's nothing to donate DNA to, and every single child would inherit every single genetic disease there was, thanks to that one X chromosome.

"Society in general never knew of Barnaba Auditore. He was even estranged from his own parents, who wished for him to be a woman."

Today was a day full of confusion for Ezio. "Why would someone wish their son to be a woman?"
"Nature gave him by error a womanly body. Such things happen, although it is not widely spoken of." 

He could have opted for the Elagabalus treatment:

If that wasn’t bad enough, Elagabalus married and divorced five women, took male lovers, and historians say that he offered vast sums of money to any physician who could give him female genitalia. Many modern writers have characterized him as transgender, or transsexual. He lavished favors on hundreds of male courtiers, and even went so far as to prostitute himself within the Imperial palace on Palatine Hill. He continued to force leading members of the Roman government to participate in religious rites celebrating his deity, and lived a life of excess and overspending, completely disregarding Roman laws and traditions.

But eh, you know.

 He could never fathom why this harmless behavior was forbidden by lawmakers and priests.

This is the author talking, because I've heard this line so many times I could write a Bible with it. Objectively, without religion or any religious text, homosexual acts are not 'harmless'. It is dangerous, and you need extensive preparation just to have anal sex: you need enemas, you need lube, you need condoms. Even that is not enough. More gay men are going back to 'barebacking' as they did in the 1970's, and it should surprise no one when new strands of HIV and anti-biotic resistant gonorrhea will emerge and create havoc in our healthcare systems.

Let's see Paul's Letter to the Romans:

26 For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural,27 and in the same way also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another,men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error.

It's clear what Paul means here: he is aware that there are former homosexuals among his group, and those who are not there 'suffered the penalty of their error', which is to say, STDs and internal organ damage killed them.

(And this is coming from a non-religious person.)

"Heh, you see, when Ezio nears the date of confinement.... his 'sword' will become a 'scabbard'."

"Oh?" Sofia looked to her right and met Ezio's eyes.

        Ezio shifted in his chair. "Yes, that's what it says in my Nonnos' journals."

"And that's what happened to Giovanni several days before Petruccio's birth."

Sofia leaned a bit closer to Ezio. "So... you will have a vulva."
"Just temporarily. My manhood will return afterward," Ezio assured, patting her hand. "As strong as ever, if not even stronger for going through such duress."

OK, so is Ezio's anus turning into a vulva, or his penis? How did the rectal insemination move from his anal cavity to his penis? I don't know. I don't think the author knows, either.

"This applies to all pregnant persons; it is not Auditore specific." 

This is again the author speaking. I have no doubt they've accepted the 'fact' that it isn't just women who give birth; that women should not be called 'expectant mothers'. It is now controversial to say only women get pregnant and give birth, and so we have this phenomenon of 'pregnant persons'. In this particular case, an advanced race who made humans have a binary sex and who might not have had a binary sex themselves, made hybrids have pregnancies via rectal insemination.

I don't think logic applies here; the author certainly didn't like being pressed on this.

 "The pregnancy as some commentary on Altaïr's gender politics or masculinity, and the outlandish sexual escapades indicating his lack of self-control, or his distance from social norms." 

Translation: Altair was a male slut, fucking everybody in a ten-mile radius and him getting pregnant taught him some responsibility. You know, when women are involved (and when it's men saying this), we call this sexism. Or a result of toxic masculinity. In this case, a revenge fantasy where slutty men are the ones who suffer from their sexual escapades is realized. Unfortunately, though, men have never undergone childbirth. Even if they could, they would sooner opt for an artificial womb.

I laid behind him and wet myself with spit before entering, roughly and quick.  

Yeah...no. This is how you get a torn anus. Often, gay men will use spit as a lubricant in lieu of lube, but it fails to make anything go easier. The author doesn't seem aware that 'barebacking' is among the most dangerous of all gay sex acts, especially because the rectal lining can be torn. Even if you practiced stretching it, eventually you will need surgery to mend it. This also does not stop the spread of syphilis or other STDs, including Beaver Fever.

You'd think, despite usually being sexual minorities themselves, they could even visit gay health magazines, but no.

For the Author's Note in Chapter 5, there is a mention of Jacob Frye and Ned Wynert being trans. Now Ned actually is transgender, and Jacob for the most part is bisexual. The issue with Ned being trans - a woman who says she is a man - is that it's happening in a time when transgenderism was only recently being discussed in the medical literature. Magnus Hirschfeld was not popular yet, and sex-reassignment surgeries via the Reimer twins was not yet made public. It would have been more historically accurate to have Ned be a cross-dressing woman in order for her to find employment, not a full transgender person. However, this tidbit was not of any concern to the developers.

I don't particularly care for Jacob being bisexual, albeit the fandom pairs him with a man who was a legitimate sociopath. It's clear he did not enjoy the kiss with Maxwell Roth, and if anything, needed time to figure out what he was. Bisexuality is far more common than exclusive homosexuality, and we know Jacob eventually sired a child. What kind of men he preferred, or even if he entered sexual relations with them, is hitherto unknown. The tumblr stating outright he was bisexual was from a fan, but the bi status doesn't affect me. The transgender one given to him by the author is.

Ned and Jacob were having a fun old time this night, as they did several nights a week. Sometimes they wouldn't do anything fancy, just lick and stroke each other's bits. But tonight, as often, they both wanted more.

And so Ned had put on his special contraption with his prized ivory cock, and was currently thrusting away at Jacob's pranny.

So, Jacob is a MtF transgender, and Ned is a FtM transgender. Ned does not actually have a penis, and Jacob for some reason does not have his.

"Lemme, lemme help you," Jacob stammered, gulping in air between words. He pulled Ned down atop him and took hold of Ned's cock, rubbing it into his nub like a pestle into a mortar.

"Ahh, yeah, right there-there-ah-ah yes, Jacob, yes!" Ned's spine stiffened and a small spurt of hot fluid joined what was already there between his legs. "Oh god. Yes..." Ned fanned his face with one hand. His heart was chugging like a runaway train, and here against Jacob's chest he could feel Jacob's heart was doing the same. 

You want to tell me how a strap-on is able to produce semen? Because strap-ons don't produce semen. Even FtMs who get SRS cannot produce semen; they only produce whatever fluids the leftover clitoris produces.

Not only are hearts chugging like runaway trains, the eventual wreck is something to see, too.

And for whatever reason, a strap-on manages to produce viable semen into an anal cavity (or vagina, or whatever) and Jacob becomes pregnant. Confused? I sure as Hell am.

"Sofia... Is it perhaps unwise? To bring a baby into the world at my age?" He was scratching at his head with one hand and touching his stomach with the other. "What if I pass away while he is still very young?"

To the author who isn't aware of how pregnancy works: yes, pregnancy at that advanced age brings complications. And you should be aware of paternal age and miscarriage rates. Nature is trying to tell you something.

"And besides, there are many much worse things a person could do than make love to their own sex."

 You found out your husband is pregnant from forces you don't understand, but you're absolutely tolerant on the subject of same-sex love all is forgiven. Be a good beard and don't question it, you silly woman.

Again, Sofia was surprised. "Stayed with him... as a lover?"

"Yes," Ezio said, smiling shyly.
"Ezio the renowned womanizer, would have been a man's husband?"
"Does the idea disgust you?"
"It only confuses me somewhat."

"Sorry, love. But I enjoy being sodomized and having sperm injected into my anal cavity. I also like undermining your existence as a woman because I can get pregnant. Literally, what are women used for?"

"And one time, a traveling courtesan who claimed to be of neither gender," he said through a smile.

Sofia laughed. "Oh, is that like the 'third sex' mentioned in Kama Sutra?"
"They were not Indian, but perhaps."

"It could easily be a global phenomenon. Perhaps you are third sex as well," Sofia offered, "seeing as how you can carry children."

Ezio scoffed lightly. "I am not part woman simply for doing what women do. You may just as wrongly say Claudia is part man for being such a fighter." 

If the author really wanted to break boundaries, they would have made Ezio a third sex. He is still biologically male in this, and this is an Mpreg fetish based on the concept that the First Civ created hybrid males to carry young. It would have been far simpler to create these third sex individuals, as they can self-replicate when one sex is not present. Since the First Civ lost to the sheer speed of human reproduction, it is safe to say if evolution were applied here, even the hybrids would be wiped out and their genetics diluted over time.

"Leo... how much do you know of the... bodily process of pregnancy?" 

Da Vinci, the Renaissance man, doesn't know how pregnancy works? For shame, man. For shame.

 Ah...and the author apologizes for making anyone OOC. No, my dear. You know what you're doing.

At this point, I've long since stopped telling people they are making these characters OOC. They know full well they are. Instead, I focus on the storytelling and the writing itself, getting to the meat of the matter. I approach it as I would with published stories, and the characters get skewered all the same.

Of course, having men get pregnant is OOC - it isn't even physically possible. The author cannot or will not explain how semen in the anal cavity manages to travel into a pseudo uterus. There is no mention of Ezio or these Assassins having both small and large gametes, or whether they are capable of parthenogenesis.

The problem with that is...the organisms capable of parthenogenesis? All female. Not male. Why is this so? Because females possess extra genetic material, and so are capable of these feats. Females more than males are capable of self-reproduction, and females are universally the ones who bear young. In this AU, the author wants the readers to believe men can get pregnant just so: semen in the anus magically transports itself and fertilizes a magical egg and produces a child. There is no mention at all of the anatomical changes, just the men getting 'periods' and weight changes.

The people writing these fetish stories are overwhelmingly female, so it's unintentionally hilarious they know so little of how and why females of any species are the ones who get pregnant. All those hours spent on Tumblr and in sex-ed appears to have been for nothing. If we are to take it seriously, and the First Civ wanted people to self-reproduce, none of those who would have these traits would be male. They would be female.

Miscarriage rates vary, with certain studies showing boys aborted more than females (I'm talking spontaneous abortions, AKA miscarriages) to a greater loss of female embryos down the line. Again, since women are the ones who gestate, all that DNA work is up to them. This Mpreg fetish implies men have all the physiology of women with male bodies; that they are capable of female gestation and embryo development while being biologically male and having an XY chromosome which is not capable of such development.

Apply this to a story based on a kink meme, and what do you get? Biological males who get pregnant via rectal insemination. Are they a true third sex? Do they possess the reproductive parts of both sexes? Is it parthenogenesis? Since they are not female, parthenogenesis cannot be true; and no mention was made of Ezio or these men having female reproductive organs aside from a pseudo-vagina.

Does the author answer any of this? No. Like the Alpha/Beta/Omega trope where men develop estrus and the Omega is forever at the mercy of an Alpha, the presence of women is a hindrance, not an asset. In a world where men, not women, are capable of parthenogenesis, biological sexes even existing or having different genetics would be fundamentally overthrown. There would only be a singular sex; there would be no 'male' or 'female.'

But this is me, applying logic to an author who bitches when someone asks questions. I don't need to tell you everything is OOC and the writing is God awful. I'm just wondering why Planned Parenthood's door didn't hit your mother's rear-end on the way out.