"I'm going to make him even GAYER!" - Pistols at Dawn Chapter 4

When this chapter was first published, there was an author’s note in response to a not-so-fluffy comment. The author – mainly Les/Key, the head of this project – announced that, in response to the criticism, she would make Arno ‘even gayer’. If the castration wasn’t established before, it will be in the future. 

It all changed once that fatuous boy arrived.

Yes, we cannot have a canon character have his say compared to this magical pony who is irritated at people who are happier than her. Like Black, he is described as 'annoying inadequate', which is really saying something since Black has had more time within the Council than Elysia has. What better way to have her establish her authority than boss Arno around, because he is lesser than her and an 'errant boy' who is going to have her as a mentor?

The cringe is real, and no amount of food descriptions is going to change that.

When Arno asks her about his part in the Creed, Elysia frankly informs him he has no role to play. Flabbergasted, he asks why, and she responds:

“You’re a rash, impulsive child,” I merely replied, unfazed of his offended stare, the corner of his lips twitching along with the crease of a brow. “Even I was to even consider it, it would take you months to reach any kind of adequate training.”

But wait a minute. Didn't Arno spend two months in the Bastille, training under Black?

“If it’s training that’s needed, Bellac already taught me!” Arno cemented, and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at this, one hand instinctively gripping my hip to steady myself, “I know plenty!” Gods, what other bullshit did the assassin feed to him? 

The same bullshit you're feeding your audience: that Arno is incompetent and a 'brash child' compared to your perfect character. She is a Mentor for whatever reason, and she does not have the authority to refuse an initiate, especially since Black recruited him. Keep rolling your eyes, you SJW Mary Sue.

“Bellac taught you only what you needed to have in a jail cell,” I stepped forward, peering at him from the mere inches I won over with, “You’re not equipped with the decent skills you need to stay alive outside. You’re nowhere near an apprentice level.”

He gritted his teeth at this, and whether it was madness or….something else, “I would have to disagree.”

Yes, and you are right to disagree. You're being usurped from your own story, and your skills are being undermined. Arno already knew how to free-run; Lore Down Pat seems to have forgotten he scaled the Bastille with Black the previous chapter. He knows how to swordfight, and he knows how to knock people out. He's a very quick learner. Lore Down Pat would know this if they spent more time paying attention to the game and not their self-insert who is flawless and worthy of endless praise.

“No weapons, no currency, much less an idea of where to go or how to achieve it. You think cleaning the manor, getting on Charlotte’s good side, serving me a meal will grant you everything you wish? You’re sadly mistaken-“ I took another step, and Arno’s defense fell one foot back, “That’s not how life works.” 

I like the impression that Arno does not know how a salary works. After all, he's not the one repairing the Café. That role was taken right out from under him, because he needs to learn a thing called privilege.

And about 'that's now how life works.' The irony about this is that Elysia, a person from another world and dimension, is lecturing people on how to live their lives all because they 'don't know the Twilight is coming' and 'humans are stupid'. You are not SHODAN, but you have the threatening presence in regards to the plot and towards other characters.

What is absolutely ironic about this statement is that Key, a PoC, routinely complains about what she thinks of the world from her Twitter feed, while crying about discrimination and how racist white people are. I suspect this is why Beylier's 'did much to defend people of colour' comment in a country that, at the time, barely had 4,000 - 5,000 black people. But I'm getting ahead of myself here.

“Who does that woman think she is?” he muttered in French.

You have my sympathies, Arno. You're told you need five months to train, because she's better than Black, and you have chores to do in an establishment you don't help to renovate. I feel for your displacement, bud. I'd give you a hug if I could.

Bellac’s antithetical aura wasn’t new. He always had an issue of bringing the worst of me out, and it was no secret from our quarrels that we detested one another. But….I had been around Bellac for long periods of time before, and from what I recollected, I was composed, far more composed than this. I could actually be in the same room with him without having a murderous scene play out in my head, yet the other day I wanted nothing more than to slaughter everyone in the very room. 

Black's dislike of you is justified. You are, objectively, a shitty individual and this is only the fourth chapter. I cannot imagine wading through nearly 500,000 words of the previous installment, let alone the wetdream, 'My Inner Life' escapades of the Zelda fanfic. Black is the voice of reason. For all the attempts to paint him as the villain, he will continue to be the source of my cheer. I would lowkey love to reach through the screen and toss him a beer.

What's also interesting to note is beforehand, Elysia has an internal monologue about being left alone to face the future. She reneges on that pity party by having murderous intent to kill those who disagree with her or tell her no. I'm definitely getting vibes of a revenge fantasy here.

“The Women’s March will commence tomorrow morning, and we’ll be taking part of it with Sophie’s team.” At this did Clement smile. “Now that we know a bit more, we’re more equipped to deal with this.”

"Sweet, stick it to The Men." Stephen commented sagely, nodding along. "What do we need to do?" 

This mansplainer clearly needs to learn his place, maybe take a few informed consent classes? Better yet, Elysia doesn't really do anything for women's rights. Sure, she'll act all nice to Sophie Trenet because she shares the same genitalia, but when it comes to equality between the sexes, Elysia flat out doesn't give a shit. As Black candidly told her, she 'doesn't care about her freedom.'

Stephen went back to sulking on the table, a pout clearly on his lips, "I don't understand a thing..... La Eiffel Tower, La baguette....." He muttered petulantly, "Hon hon hon...."

"Eiffel...tower?" Clement stared perplexed, disconcerted at the lack of understanding at the table.  

A reminder that these boytoys are Englishmen, acting as spies, and they cannot speak French. In France. And make mention of the Eiffel Tower, which was not built until 1889, on the 100th anniversary of the French Revolution.

Three authors. Three. 

“Yeah, like I fell for you,” at that did Stephen burst out his hands, and curl his three fingers into his palm to let his forefingers out. From there, he flicked down his thumbs, and proceeded to say “Pow pow pow” softly between each invisible shot.

If this is a reference to rapid-fire shots from, say, a revolver, that wasn't invented until 1814. Weapons before then were single action.

I dropped the bag at my feet, and went to the armamentarium row of books and documented files, placing my given tasks into my section.  

 I can definitely tell this author isn't used to words like armamentarium. It's an attempt to make the work look more polished than it is, especially if the story-telling is poor. This will not be the last time such thesaurus sucking will be used.

“So he’s been left unassigned while the rest of us have to pick up the slack?” I met his gaze, though Beylier was better at hiding his emotions than most.

“…Mostly, yes,” he tried not to strain out. “Bellac has insisted that the boy named Arno will show up.” Him again. This boy, again.

What slack are you picking up, Elysia, aside from deprive a canon character of his roles and duties? Black has done more work than you. You simply think you are entitled to all the credit.

“It’s not prying if I’m the one doing it.” 

No, of course not. Though you already know Arno had Assassin heritage, didn't you? Black told you he was interested in taking Arno under his wing, and you wanted to spite him by taking Arno first.

“No one raised objections?” I interrogated the original conversation further, “This Arno getting adopted?” 

It's not being bitchy if you're the one insulting the character, eh? Anyways, Arno was Charles' only child. Recruiting him into the Order so young or training him young would've put him at risk. M. de la Serre knew what he was getting into. He wanted to gradually draw Arno away from his heritage, despite him having immense respect for Arno's father. M. de la Serre never had to adopt Arno. He did it purely for pity and for a way to recover after his wife's death.

“It doesn’t look good when two assassins are gossiping amongst themselves,” Bellac announced freely behind my back. What the fuck, Bellac.

Yeah, how dare he contradict the Mary Sue! 

“You don’t paint a good picture by doing nothing but moping around either,” I retorted back, not once looking away from the book in my grasp. He said nothing at this, and only did I see his true self when I turned my head about, and saw his white face almost reddening from bitterness. 

You're one to talk, Elysia. All you've done is stomp your feet and do things that don't benefit the Brotherhood at all. You insult a Master Assassin all because he calls you out on your bullshit. That's not you being the sassy coloured woman, that's you being a bitch. Black is right, and he'll always be right.

'What the fuck' indeed. 

From what I gathered, Bellac had derived from the land of the Americas, although he was originally born in the region of New France. Something….set him off to arrive here but what that was remained unknown to most of us, except Mirabeau; it was clear there was more to his story than he let on and dared not reveal it for reasons. Was he under this false pretense that if he could get Arno to join the Brotherhood, he could continue where he left off with Charles who was struck with an untimely death?

Wow, an Assassin Mentor who doesn't know the history of the Brotherhood, or how the Colonial Brotherhood was nearly wiped out by one Shay Cormac? The same Shay who became universally feared for his cunning and ruthlessness?

Also wow: Elysia doesn't know much about our world, despite being here twice in a row. Read a map, Elysia. Or is that too good for you? Yes, New France is in the Americas. Canada is part of North America. You have a Twitter and you have Google. Use it, Les.

It was too quick to pass judgement on it…but it was a start, and too good of a coincidence that he happened to run into his past apprentice’s orphaned son who was then brought in a household of Templars (what a horrible statement altogether). Not to mention, he was becoming increasingly tenacious on the matter. With this new information from Beylier himself, Bellac’s once hidden past was starting to emerge, despite having worked with him for the past couple of years. 

You're already passing judgement, because it's 'not judgement when you do it.' Again, Arno was not aware he was raised by a Templar. It was deliberately kept from him. This attack on his heritage when he truly lived in ignorance is unfair. It's an insult to the lore, and it's an insult to the character. Lore Down Pat seems insistent that Arno growing up in a Templar household makes him a Templar by default. This in a time when 'The Sins of the Father' was condemned in law and common arguments to avoid familial shame and legacies. Get your history right.

“Like I needed the help…” I hooked a palm on my hip, rolling my eyes.

Of course not. You're all alone, only a few women care about you, but when men start mansplaining they need to check their privilege and shut the fuck up.

Elysia is put in charge of sneaking missions, and one of them involves a jaunt to the Chambes des Disputes. She assassinates a guy I don't care for or know, and she congratulates herself for being a 'good fox'.

Later, Elysia comes across a street urchin. What does she do?

The blond pulled out a made knife, and the other picked up the same rock the first had dropped. It was chucked with force, but it was merely swatted away and shattered against the building wall.

Wow. You tossed the knife so hard it shattered, Mary Sue! 

The armed man plunged his arm with haste, but it was a futile attempt; the fluidity of my movement was far too quick to catch underneath his lanky arm, and my hidden blade met its target when I rammed him down to the ground. The weapon was strung out, a string of red playing the man’s last song in this world. 

A nice way of saying, 'blood came pouring out of his mouth'. Such metaphors are beyond your skill level, my dear.

“Leave my sight, bitch,” I enunciated, and watched him limp to his scurrying feet with interest. He whimpered in tow, and cradled his broken arm as he cut around the bend. 

Too bad you can't leave, bitch.

When the boy thanks her and wants her to help him with his bakery, Elysia has to roll her eyes. How dare  a human show thanks to her. How dare they ask her for her help. Don't they know she's so much better than them? How they are all mere insects; wastes of flesh under her glorious golden feet? Bah. She can't roll her eyes or stick her hands on her hips enough.

…Did he realize he was talking so much.

Do you?

Elysia meets up with a guy named Corvus, who she 'met in Paris' some time ago. When? Where? It's never answered. I assume he's one of her 'kind', considering his description.

It spit and roared, and it wavered my curls from even within my hood. The threads and vines snapped like rabid snakes, but when they latched onto my legs did they seethe and curl away. The opposing forces were at a stalemate as I proudly held my ground, and whatever poison that had infected itself within Corvus was no match to overpower my core. 

So. Am I going to see a Sailor Moon transformation, or a Za Warudo?

Unsure of our history.

Of our time and place.

Whatever it is, it has no place in AC lore. You fit in like a milk bag with a hole in it in a town full of kittens. Your 'place' is back in the world of Zelda, where other magical beings can interact with you. Not in AC. There's no attempt to even make you fit in, because you're too busy insulting everyone who offers sense. Even when people look up to you for help, you hate them.

“Get. Out.” Orfeo hissed with bestial determination.

He needs a Snickers bar.

Corvus is a time-traveler much like Elysia, and their little magic fight in the bakery apparently went unnoticed by the owners. Why? Plot, that's why. Plot and drama.

"Are you….enjoying this?

"You know what, fuck off." 

Yes, please do. You'll save me a lot of time and brain energy.

“Versailles?” Arno squinted his eyes, scanning the abandoned parchment effectively, his feet ready to bolt when needed when he heard the familiar greeting of her name in the manor. 

 You lived there, Arno. Don't tell me you don't know what it is.

He was going to ruin it.

He was going to Versailles. 

Of course he is. Compared to Elysia, who gets into existential fights in bakeries and condemns her enemies to bake bread for her - in a time when grain was hoarded and when any bakery showing any major profit was ransacked - he's nothing but a sad little boy pretending to be an Assassin. He's lovesick, he was raised as a Templar, he's an all around bad boy.

These chapters are roughly 20,000 -25,000 words and a month is spent on their editing and creation. However, not much happens in all that word vomit. You should be able to establish a goal, a time and place, and establish characters. No characters are established aside from Elysia and her subjects. This reads less and less as a fix-it than a wish fulfillment fantasy where the author can lecture others on what she feels is right and where she can feel powerful smashing the patriarchy.

When Arno is called a 'fatuous boy', and is given no redeeming qualities or any hint of his canon self, you have failed your fix-it from the get go. You have no respect for the canon. It is no different from the slash ficcers who write him getting raped or entering abusive relationships with Marquis de Sade all because they don't like Elise. Even if you personally dislike a canon character, if they are in an established relationship you should respect it. If, for any reason, you wish to change that, it must be within reason.

Fanfiction doesn't always have the best minds involved, nor do they actually expand on the lore or add some fun. Amidst this word vomit is a character I sincerely wish got the 'bang bang bang' to the forehead. Unfortunately, it looks like that won't happen anytime soon. Arno will be made gay, English spies who don't speak French will joke about the Eiffel Tower, and French history will be put on the back burner because who gives a damn about history?

Make way for the Magical PoC Pony. She's going to fix all that mansplaining.