Feeding me crumbs? Nah, man, this shit's poison - Pistols at Dawn Chapter 9
From the Author's Note, Les has offered a few bread crumbs to satiate everyone's desire for Elysia's mindset. She wants to establish her as a wonderful, well-rounded character. I am going to find out just how far Les is going to twist things around so her diabolical character can come out on top.
And how do you know your character is a Mary Sue? You go on about how unique her hair is. Tell me, if I take a pickaxe to her head, will I get legit rubies out of it?
It's perfectly fine for the Great Satan to change the subject, but not when Arno or anyone else does.
I'm smiling. Ah, my beautiful Arno. Teach her a lesson.
Now imagine inheriting a business you never tried to fix, and trying to kill a man who offered you sound advice. That's not what a rational human does. That's a woman throwing a temper tantrum. She would've never done it to Ezio, but she can do it to Arno. She's showing him what a decent human being she is.
I find it a hard time believing Elysia cares about anyone given the earliest dialogue in this chapter, and contrasting it with her reaction here. Elysia doesn't work with rationality. Instead of saying, 'You know what? As much as I hate to admit it, you're right' and show the audience she's capable of admitting her mistakes, she goes after the guy who sasses her for all the right reasons.
Arno will not be the protagonist. Look at the treatment he gets when he talks back.
"What the hell is all that--" The back door rammed open, Orfeo's eyes falling instantly on us in a puzzled state. The gears in his eyes shifted, fixing the puzzle into one of pure annoyance, releasing a sigh to go with it.
Elysia is not a protagonist but more like a villain with every sentence, paragraph, and chapter that goes on.
This is indeed karma. You get what you deserve.
Thanks for making your PeeOhCee Mary Sue a walking stereotype.
Orfeo is spitting straight facts, but since he's immortal like her she cannot kill him so easily.
She hates how he's right, and despite her mental dialogues how she never wants to take responsibility, every action has a reaction. She is suffering the consequences of her misdeeds. Do you think she'll admit that? No.
No one should ever listen to this manic woman. She has clear favouritsm, and she punishes Arno for being right.
The 'experience' she offers is take away the story of Unity's main protagonist, destroy him, and kill him all because he told her she was wrong.
It's more than pathetic. It's petty.
Elysia says she's seen 'many sunsets'. But it's obvious this racist, sexist, murderous bitch is able to get away with doing anything she wants provides no one tells her it's wrong.
She has no impulse control. This is the ninth chapter and we're 20,000 words away from 100,000 words and that milestone will be reached by next month. Les is completely unaware and unable to craft a character that can carry the story.
Inherent inconsistencies abound: Elysia is willing to listen to specific characters - gay or PeeOhCee - but will throw an absolute tantrum when Arno, a Fucking White Male, comes up with a solution in under a minute that she could not figure out in months. She never asked about the deed, lease, or funds. She allots that responsibility on others because she refuses to take it on herself. In front of mobs of people she will hunt down an Assassin novice she is entrusted to teach all because he dared talk back to her.
Coming from Les, who decries those attitudes in men, has no problem doing it to men because, after all, reverse sexism doesn't exist. There's also a degree of subtle racism here: Elysia sees Arno as a non-human. She refuses to consider his points or agree that he is right - that is what an actual mentor does. She should be willing to hear what others have to say.
Elysia is merely reflecting the modern attitude of her authors and writers in general: 'I do not have to listen to what you have to say, and will take away that right so I can benefit.' As an irrational being, Elysia shows herself to truly be inferior to others. She does not inspire respect or care for her employees. She openly admits she doesn't care if they're on the street. She does not look out for their safety, even though they rely on her. She blames everyone and anyone else for her own problems. When people tell her she is the one at fault, she blows a gasket.
Are these character flaws that can sell a re-write? No. Not even Thanos was this petty. Magneto was a Jewish born mutant supremacist and he didn't have this much hate for life.
Les is totally unaware of the FUBAR she's created. She has said Elysia is an 'asshole', which is a massive understatement. She expects me to believe Elysia will carry this 're-write', when her despicable attitude is made clear in the text. When it becomes clear how much of a threat she is, Les adds a few 'human moments'. These do not disprove the premise Elysia is a fundamentally evil character. It shows Les doesn't know how to use her own creative control to write a good story.
At the end of the day, all this started because Arno told Elysia she fucked up. She hated him for it. But you know what? Arno stole the show. He was right. Elysia hates that, and Les hates his character, so she'll 'make him even gayer'.
It still brings a smile to my face when the PeeOhCee Zelda stand got what she deserved. Good on you, Arno. That's my boy.
Always remember: inferiority is the opposite of genius.
“So why are you being soft on them?”
I couldn’t make out the color of his eyes.
Les's idea of three-dimensional character development is having Elysia have a tender moment when her mental state asks her why she is being 'soft' on her pupils. In the previous chapter, Elysia did nothing but trash Arno and humiliate him. She won't even call him by name. Les's attempt at adding humanity to her not only contradicts the character she's already set up, but it's a cheap method of making the audience care for her. I suspect I will be repeating this claim as this story goes on.It had been so long since I had seen them
Since I’ve truly seen someone.Ah, yes, the bigoted sexist is in love. And with a man who doesn't take her shit, no less.
“They’re just your students, Elysia.”
The air hazed, and my center of gravity tilted as if the barstool I sat on teetered with its mishappen legs.
Like it would fall any second, and take me down with it.Elysia has never treated her students with respect. They fear and despise her, and at the Café people run out of the hallways when she is in it. I have no concern for her mental state, more so because Les openly admits she's an 'asshole' while refusing to admit she has no redeeming qualities.
I had fallen so hard before.Oh, woe is you, the oppression is real.
Exactly. So why are you trying to convince me otherwise? Right. Character development.“You’re wrong,” my words didn’t make a sound, but I knew they were heard, “I’m not soft.”
“Really?” his shoulders were exaggeratedly hunched over, a common posture he succumbed himself to especially at any tavern we went to. “What do you call that then?”
When James is there, always.
The way Stephen calls me Red.
When Clement brings his kitten.
When Arno…when he-Her team has never called her affectionate names until now. Before, Elysia made it clear she wants nothing to do with their bullshit. She calls them her 'Squad', but obviously, she only uses them to achieve her own ends. In regards to Arno, though, she never calls him by name. Just 'Boy'. Hell, he knew from the get-go she didn't want him in the Creed, even though she's a Mentor for no reason.
You’re going to get them killed, you know that right?Yes, but Les does not give a shit. She wants to 'fix the plot', and this tidbit of lampshading isn't going to help her in the end. Even if all of France burned, Elysia wouldn't care because it is her story and the French are not her people.
“They’re human.”
Oh, wow, is this a bit of honesty? I'm so shocked.He looked unimpressed as usual, “You put yourself on a pedestal.”
“I’m not sure what you mean,” I try not to sound offended.
“You’re not better than them; you’re no better than a human.”
1. Elysia is always offended because she is a self-insert of the author, who gets offended easily. 2. Elysia constantly thinks she's better than everyone else, and when she's not thinking it, she's acting it.My reply was sharp, “I never said I was.”
“Then what are you trying to say for yourself?”
He was always like this, persisting.
Trying to get a reaction out of me.To be honest, it's remarkably easy to get a reaction out of this Gypsy. If she's having a mental breakdown in an imagined bar, with a guy triggering her about her lack of morals, what does that say?
Something told me he always liked that, about our relationship.
My face prickled, “I killed them all.”
I'm still wondering who and what Elysia is, because she's a PMS hot mess of bitchiness and show-stealing. Les thinks she's awesome and the best thing ever, but it's really just a manifestation of 'Angry Latina Who Doesn't Like White People.'“That still doesn’t explain who you are.”
“I didn’t choose wisely,” I confessed, and felt the hot burn of metal sink itself into my wrist, marking my flesh. And when I looked down at it, I saw the incrimination of a drawn, wicked smile. Where the Twilight leaked, and a hidden, malignant giggle faded.If Les 'chose wisely', she wouldn't have boasted about changing and fixing the plot of Unity while putting her psychopath Mary Sue as the star. I'll let the story speak for itself.
“Just shut up.”
He scoffed, and slammed his palm against the counter, nearly shoving his face right against mine, “You can’t silence me like your other voices.” He smelled of baby blooms, when the sun first kisses the wet tulips of the Spring. And when they pry open, the pollen bud weeps its golden tears, and it flies off into the dawn.I know Les didn't write the second paragraph, because that is way too flowery for her. It must've been one of her two co-authors.
I adjusted my hip to lay on its side, my flesh shivering from the unusual textures of the bed (perhaps from the fact that I hardly slept on it). I dragged my legs over the heavy covers, my bare feet touching the wooden floor where the sharpness of the morning’s fog stung my toes. My hair slid and hung from my bowing head, revealing the etched lines of dark ruby protruding. The lines poured out like a disruptive bloom and down to the middle of my back where a symbol lay, but what it was, I couldn’t say; I never had the chance to look at it, but something deep inside told me it was there.You know what fog is, right? Clouds on the ground. There shouldn't be a reason why fog is collecting on the floor next to your bed, unless you're aiming for an ethereal nightmare. It's obvious Elysia is awake. Either Les doesn't know how fog works or she is too lazy to care.
And how do you know your character is a Mary Sue? You go on about how unique her hair is. Tell me, if I take a pickaxe to her head, will I get legit rubies out of it?
Going off Elysia's dream sequences, her Squad calls her affection names. However, the staff at the Café absolutely fears her. They don't look her in the eye, they whisper around her, and generally, regard her as if she's going to skullfuck them in their sleep. This should not happen around a trusted Mentor and the owner of the business she's currently running into the ground. But if you made the argument they're scared of ending destitute and on the streets, I can absolutely see why.A pair of footsteps awaited, but the voice was high and quick, “Madame Elysia?” It was the younger servant of the manor, Bridgette. I strode over in quick steps. When I opened it, I didn’t have time to respond- “There’s a meeting downstairs. Monsieur Mathias has news about the manor,” she tucked her bang behind her ear, almond eyes darting everywhere but my direct look. She clutched her cleaning rag between her light-colored hands, twisting it nervously that her knuckles turned to a heated white. “Says it’s important.”
Her body language didn’t bode well.No shit. Look who she's talking to.
“No more excuses, we can’t afford anymore,” the accountant sounded exceptionally exhausted this morning. I tugged my sleeve to sheathe the blade properly on my wrist, then walked through the small entryway leading inside the chamber while Bridgette stayed close behind.Now, consider this: Elysia is the owner of this establishment, but she doesn't have any idea how funds or a business works. She'll steal grain for her boyfriend so his establishment can thrive, while saving no funds for her own. In short, Elysia is a terrible owner and Arno won't even be allowed to fix it, because he's a fucking white male and this cuck needs to suck dick already.
All the inhabitants of the manor were on their feet around the arranged desks, forming a long table of sorts to accommodate everyone’s field of vision to one another. All eyes pointedly stared at the accountant who was at the end of the row, cleaning his spectacles on a spare handkerchief. On the table were two suitcases, both crammed to the brim of exploding. Once he was done, he adjusted his glasses.
Another thing: Elysia never bothered to talk to said accountant before; Les never once wrote it or considered it to be important. Elysia, the Woman of Colour, managed to take away a white man's business and destroy it, as well as succeeding in laying off all her workers. Nice going, Les. No wonder you're a supporter of AOC.“I’ve done all I can for this manor, and I suggest you all find a new residence before the end of the week,” Mathias replied, then turned his head to me, “Morning, Elysia.”
I strode up to him, “What’s going on?”
“The government-“
“Mathias is going to let them take the deed!” Charlotte exhaled out in frustration. Her makeup hadn’t been done yet, revealing the trueness of her expression; worried and aged as dark concaves inhabited her eyes. Her hair was frizzled, undone and plentiful on top of her head. The dress was hastily put on from the strings undone on the backside of it, the shoulder straps hanging over her arms where her freckled shoulders were bare. “Without it, this manor, it-“This takes place in 1789, and the business was already tits up. Elysia never looked at the deed herself, or asked about it. She's a Mentor who calls Arno an idiot...while not knowing how her own business works. Nice going, Les.
“It was out of my hands, Elysia,” Mathias held up his palms defensively, and sighed. “There was nothing I could do; the manor will be confiscated and all its assets. It was approved by Mirabeau as well.”
If that were the case….he must’ve known the financial struggle the manor was going through; there was no way he couldn’t have known. He was the one who provided the location, bought the land and gave the responsibility to Charlotte….but whatever fund we had been receiving in the beginning was long gone.By fixing the plot, Les writes Mirabeau being complicit in sharing the deed for the establishment the Assassins use as a reconnaissance centre. Mirabeau knows, but Elysia doesn't, because even though she is a Mentor, she does not have a clue how French law or businesses work. She never raised funds to begin with, and the man who actually fixes those problems - Arno Dorian - will be prevented from ever doing so. If, by some magical reason, he does, it'll likely be formed into some sort of gay brothel.
“How do you know this?” I asked.
“I sent an urgent letter, to ask for aid, an extension of some sort. Any. It was denied,” Mathias expelled out a frustrated sigh, but said nothing more.
Gee...you never asked, did you? For a Mentor, you certainly aren't that intelligent. You'll let people go homeless and without work all because you didn't ask over a simple deed. Mirabeau is equally idiotic to sell it, because that is where the Assassin hideout is. What was that about fixing the plot, Les?Did Mirabeau…do it willingly? Were his hands tied as much as ours?
“Why did this happen?”
My lips thinned.
“Why did this happen to me? To us?”"Wow, I never asked about the status of my establishment and whether the government was going to take it. I never consulted with a banker, lawyer or anyone else, but I am trusted to be a Mentor to a infinitely more talented man I consider stupid."
I looked over to Charlotte who dug her fingers into her hair, trying to keep herself collected.
“They’re all dead! My poor papa…and my momma. My sister, my nephew. I have nothing left.”
Nothing like not knowing your debts, Elysia, especially for a business you were entrusted to manage.“How much do we owe?” I cleared my throat, clutching the back of a chair.
Plot armour.
How will you set this right?
Yeah, this is ridiculous. Mirabeau cuts funding to an Assassin stronghold, but that's not nearly as man as Elysia inheriting it and sinking it like the Titanic. She has owned it for however many years and never once asked about its financial straits. Madame Gouze, IIRC, mentioned money problems but Elysia brushed it off.“Even if we repaid our debt, it’s the matter of being unable to continue funding this operation in the disarray state is in.” Mathias rubbed his temples in painful circles, his glasses themselves teetering from falling from his long face, “We won’t make profit if we continue in the path we’ve been taking. Ever since Mirabeau moved his funding to other locations, we’ve…..we’re at our limits.”
“Just….do what you can right now,” I opted instead, but he simply shook his head, bellowing out an exhausted breath.
"I've done all I can and I've exhausted all our power." Mathias furthered, his patience running thin of my impossible request, "Unless you can procure something within the week, the bank will retake the building."
Nah...not like you could've checked the books, you stupid shit. Here you are trashing Arno for being an idiot!Just when I thought things couldn’t get more complicated-
“Elysiaaaaa, you here?”
My eyes rolled to the back of my head.
This is the woman who is going to Mentor this 'errant boy': a bitch who doesn't know how finances work and who will readily blame others for their mistakes when she makes plenty of her own.“God, what now-“
The slender, obnoxious assassin stepped in, though when Arno Dorian got midway of the café, he felt the tonal shift of the atmosphere. His eyes gazed over the group; he lifted one finger up to properly address the situation, but that didn’t really help when he had no clue what it actually was.It is amazing how Elysia considers Arno obnoxious when she has zero self awareness. Arno is an inquisitive, intelligent man, but Les decides the only character development he should have is act like a stereotypical queer. His intelligence and his worth are lowered compared to the Mary Sue, even though this entire scenario is Elysia's fault.
“….Did I….interrupt something?“ he decided after his short, internal battle.
“Oh, Arno!” Charlotte perked her head up when she recognized the voice. She quickly rubbed her eyes off and gave a weak smile, “Dear boy, it’s you!”
The young male smiled, though it faltered as he got closer and saw she had been crying, “Is everything…oka-ACK-”
What I like about this is Elysia is throwing a tantrum because every other member of the Café prefers him over the Mega Bitch. Knowing her thunder is stolen, she chokes him and drags him out of the building, showing everyone how she has no control over the situation.My hand found his face with his hood, and without missing a beat did I drag him outside, wrapping my arm around his neck to solidify his exit.
“Can’t..breathe-“ he struggled, and stumbled on his heels when I let go.
“Why are you here, boy?” I leaned over with narrowed eyes, grabbing him by the shoulder.
She still doesn't call him by his name. She hates him. She doesn't see him as a fellow human being. Elysia, a narcissistic money funneller (sic) who helps her boyfriend smuggle food from hungry French citizens readily accuses the 'boy' she is supposed to mentor of every problem she creates herself. Les honestly believes she is re-creating this story and making it better.Arno took a moment, as if his mind wandered to a repressed memory.
"I don't expect you to believe me, but here I am." His eyes scanned behind me. I followed, as we both viewed Mathias address the café members once again, and Charlotte’s demeanor falling at every word quiet sentence he expelled. Grisier crossed his arms, clearly frustrated of the circumstances, though his eye wandered more or less where I had taken Arno with me.
Arno clearly would've heard the commotion and asked questions. However, since this is Cuckboy Arno, all he's ever good for is sucking dick.“We’re not meeting today,” I changed the subject. Or tried to.
It's perfectly fine for the Great Satan to change the subject, but not when Arno or anyone else does.
“That seems like a waste of a day, especially when papa Bellac finds out-“ I swiftly jerked my head to him, and he reworded his sentence with a wagging finger,”-IF he finds out, that is.”Everyone is going to find out, because that is the Assassin Stronghold. Imagine a Mentor being so pissed at having her thunder stolen she'll beat up her pupil just for asking questions and pointing out what an inadequate bitch she is. She's getting the French Revolutionary Affirmative Action treatment, that's for sure.
“You best be on your way, and occupy yourself with something else, like taking a pair of keys properly,” I swiped my arm toward the exit of the courtyard, jerking my head the same way to emphasize its location. Arno’s gloved hand suddenly latched out, and held me. I stared at his palm, then back up to him, “What.”Says the bitch who didn't know what a deed was and ran her fucking business into the ground. You have no room to talk. And were this the real Arno, he'd tell you to fuck off.
“Okay, okay…..it appears we got off on the wrong foot yesterday, and I wanted to prove myself and show you I’m better than that,” he confessed, and let go of his grip before I slapped his hand away. “I wanted to see if I could do a mission….but I see that you’re all in a….grim mood. Maybe I can help?” His tone lightened up at this.
“It’s none of your concern-“Arno is infinitely better than Elysia, but Les doesn't like those Fucking White Males so she'll have her magical PoC take over instead. Even though he is prostrating himself for her (when it is completely undeserved) she still hates his guts.
“The café is going to close.” Beside walked out Grisier, his arms crossed and clearly avoiding the solid stare I presented to him. He addressed Arno properly, frowning slightly of the reveal, “He might as well know, before he shows up to an empty manor next time.”
"...You're joking," Arno's attitude fell anything playful, his mouth thinning into a soft scowl.And...whose fault is that? To think Elysia wasn't going to tell him, and she is going to 'straighten this boy out.'
“No, nothing to joke about,” Grisier smoothly procured his opposite shoulder, and led him back inside the café. I trailed like a leopard, attempting to find some excuse to get rid of him before he did something regretful. “It’s the honest truth, coming from an honest man myself. We’re in bad shape when it comes to business, and this is truly the end of her.” He swept his limb across, displaying the empty stage where the cobwebs riddled the wooden set of the crafted, illustrated forest.You are pissed at Arno for asking questions. Fuck you. This is your fault, and yet you cannot help but pin the blame on everyone else. Arno is completely innocent in this. Elysia doesn't care, though, and despite being picked as his Mentor, she wants to punish him for 'doing something regretful'.
"What happened? Hasn't the cafe been making anything?" Arno answered, but when his eyes traveled across the quarters, the brief memory of his first visit replayed across his eyes and truly saw what it was; nothing had changed since then.
See? Not Arno's fault. But Elysia wants to make it that way. Elysia was in charge of the building. She made no repairs; she probably didn't even pay her staff. She is the top dog in the place and not once did she ever inquire what was going on with it. Grisier, Gouze, and the rest didn't tell her because they knew her reaction was to blow the absolute fuck up and blame others for her own mistake."From the brief time you had known us….no, we had not and it is unlikely we will unless something changes," Grisier sighed, and let go of the assassin to comfort Charlotte’s shoulders again. She sniffed into another handkerchief, both the maids sitting idly by as Mathias watched, unsure of where this conversation was going.
Arno quirked his lip, the words in his head jumbling to make a sentence, "Well….what happens if we find another way to bring profit? Perhaps renovating the building could attract others or to partner with others-"
"With what money?" Mathias threw his free arm across to indicate the empty space, "It's like speaking in circles with you all. In the end--it comes to money that we simply do not have."
And then.
Look at that. Arno is already providing solutions and he's all too eager to help. He grasps the financial situation right away. He's suggesting repairs and renovations - something Elysia never once did. But what happens when Elysia catches wind of this suggestion for resolution? This:"....But I know someone that does," Arno answered in the silence that presented. Somber eyes drew slowly upwards, watching the young man rub his chin, and nodding in reassurance.
“Okay, I’m going to stop you right there-“ I held out my hand, exhaling and trying my damn hardest not to rip his lung out at the very moment, “I strongly suggest you stay out of personal affairs.”
Beautiful. That is the Arno I know, and the first spine he's ever shown. Elysia doesn't like to be reminded how her personal affairs are shit, and when Arno does the right thing and sasses her, the following happens:He abruptly chuckled lowly, and spun on his heel to look at me from the shadows of his cowl where his honey eyes glittered in mischief, "Now see, if you were actually someone I respected, this would be a different conversation all together. But since we haven't reached that level yet..." Arno clicked his tongue, "I don't have to exactly listen to you, per say."
Grisier’s jaw dropped, a huff of air expelling out between his clamped fingers as Mathias stared dumbfounded.
And just when you thought Arno would get away Scot-free, Elysia erupts. If I didn't need a sign this Mary Sue was fundamentally unstable and shouldn't be near a business in all of human existence, this would be it.Gut this boy.
“...What the hell did you just say to me- ARNO!!” He was already bolting, and dodged my swiping hand. He fled outside.
“Oh my god-“
“Run, boy, run!”
“GET BACK HERE, DORIAN!” I gave chase and skidded to a halt on the cobblestone street. The sound of sliding rope sung above, and I glared to the rooftop he stood on with the help of a cut line. He waved briskly before turning rapidly, his coat flapping behind him. “You little bastard!”This is what you deserve, bitch. I can't imagine what Les was thinking when she wrote this: 'Arno Dorian told my character she was in the wrong and Elysia just doesn't like that. She wants to kill him and effectively end his genetic lineage then and there but I need the plot so...what the fuck ever.'
I'm smiling. Ah, my beautiful Arno. Teach her a lesson.
I dashed up the side wall in the closest, thin alleyway provided to me, the gawking pedestrians swiftly flailing away at my rapid movement. Once I reached the wooden roof did my claw swipe down the edge, cutting away at the gravel and timber. There, I saw his body flying half a mile away-
“DORIAN!” I hissed, and my body rocketed forward in incomprehensible speed that I tried so hard to keep at bay. Just when I thought I had caught up, one leap downwards was all it took and Arno was gone, concealed in the sea of citizens.It gets even better, because he knows the exact place where Elysia can't do shit.
Oh no, whatever will you do now, Great Satan?He was racing to Orfeo’s cafe.
He swung past a cart, his nimble fingers hooking at some band that had the horses riling in retort and nearly toppled the carriage to its side. It was with one last look did he offer a cheeky grin and held a bag of loose change...and dropped it all over the ground.
"It's for the greater gooooooooood!" he called out.Look at that. He has more money than you, Elysia. Consider how you wanted to kill him for telling you the truth.
"DORIAN!" I moved myself while at the same time, trying not to dig my hands into any person's throat and chest by mere instinct. The hot air pulsed eagerly, and finally, with the little patience I had left, I slammed several bodies out of my way; I cut across the air with what was allowed for human-mental capacity. The door of the unsuspecting shop swung opened, and the second Arno stepped in-
My eyes pulsed, displaying the cat-eye in full force that I made out the stitches on his robe, and the sweat that hid beneath his hood and frazzled locks.
The main protagonist of the story: a PoC who will kill any white male who makes valid suggestions to her. Power fantasy much? Although in a fair fight, without Legend of Zelda powers, I'd love to see Arno beat the shit out of her. She's one who truly deserves the 'equal rights, equal lefts' adage."You're dead-" my teeth snarled, and my hands purchased the back of his neck.
“Whooooa!” In a slam did his chest meet an occupied table, the couple sitting there screaming of our aggressive interruption. They scrambled out, leaving their half-full teas and munched biscuits abandoned, the other buyers inside were rendered absolutely confused.
"You've got some FUCKING nerve," I hissed, holding Arno easily down with one arm.
Now, imagine this: you're appointed Mentor of the Parisian Brotherhood, with no explanations or proof that you earned that position by merit. You're put there because of some magical MacGuffin, and the author places you on the same pedestal as the other Mentors who earned their position."Now, now, Elysia, this can all be talked through--" Arno strained, trying to regain his balance as the table staggered to not fall.
Now imagine inheriting a business you never tried to fix, and trying to kill a man who offered you sound advice. That's not what a rational human does. That's a woman throwing a temper tantrum. She would've never done it to Ezio, but she can do it to Arno. She's showing him what a decent human being she is.
I find it a hard time believing Elysia cares about anyone given the earliest dialogue in this chapter, and contrasting it with her reaction here. Elysia doesn't work with rationality. Instead of saying, 'You know what? As much as I hate to admit it, you're right' and show the audience she's capable of admitting her mistakes, she goes after the guy who sasses her for all the right reasons.
Arno will not be the protagonist. Look at the treatment he gets when he talks back.
"What the hell is all that--" The back door rammed open, Orfeo's eyes falling instantly on us in a puzzled state. The gears in his eyes shifted, fixing the puzzle into one of pure annoyance, releasing a sigh to go with it.
"Ah! Just the man I wanted to see--" Arno belted out, "Elysia and I have a proposition deal for you."
"Stop talking."
"I'm just trying to do what's right-"
"Stop proving me wrong and mansplaining me, you fucking white male!""That's not your call-"
"Will the two of you get out of the damn shop!" Orfeo bellowed, smashing his fist against the table, and pointing the other at our direction. "Take it outside!"
Like the Feds, when you can't find an adequate victim who'll call you out, you'll make one. Arno is Richard Jewell at this point."Gladly-" I didn't even wait, and proceeded to drag Arno behind me. He flailed in my grasp, eyes still intent on Orfeo.
Les has stated she is going to do the job Ubisoft did not. In doing so, she has effectively de-balled Arno. He can't stand up to Elysia, even disagree with her: she'll choke him, claw him, and throw him around like a ragdoll. How is she a Mentor?"No wait-WAIT!" Arno seized the frame of the doorway, sticking his leg inside to lock himself briefly in place, "I'll get straight to the point, we're looking for anewbusiness venture-- a café that's opened to the publicpastyoursanddrivescrowds to a stage well into the night! Think about it--it’s a good idea--OW! YOUR NAILS--!"
"By no means are you blocking the way for me," Giselle studied my repressed state, lifting her attention to the boy next, "But I would like to ask that you would stop frightening what remains of our customers."That's not Arno's fault. It's Elysia's.
Arno found himself trying to come up with an argument but when he looked back into the confides of the café, it was left bare and abandoned. Orfeo held a weighted, threatening stare against his being, and Arno thought best to confront the one person speaking to him properly instead, "My...apologies but I've come with a proposal that might be beneficial to you if you're interested in hearing."
Would you look at that. A rational person who is willing to hear what Arno has to offer, and does so with dignity instead of wanting to gut him. Did Elysia do this? No, Arno did. Arno was the one who took the first step. But you bet your ass Elysia will get the Brotherhood to thrash him for talking back to her. As an irrational being, Elysia sees every criticism as a threat - just like her owner."A proposal?" She ignored Orfeo's NO that shot from the inside, folding her wallet to her front, her head tilted with interest, "Now that is curious...and here I thought you weren't in the business of hospitality, Elysia." The woman smiled playfully to me, though I said nothing and merely rested my hands on my hips, avoiding her glance. "Please, come inside, I'll hear what you have to say."
The fire that imploded inside my very skull was incomparable, and it doubled when Arno gave me a back look, and grinned with a secured nod. My eyes literally lit aflame with my hair.
They took a seat at the nearest table as I awaited by the door. Orfeo approached with scolding purpose, crossing his arms firmly on his chest, his black coals for eyes awaiting to burst with a single match.
I will reiterate: Elysia, as an irrational being, cannot comprehend how or why she is wrong. Orfeo, a grain hoarder and thief, also wants to shirk this deal. If her hair is anything to go by, anyone standing up to her or offering solutions to problems she does not want to solve makes her hair go on fire.“What?” I enunciated, exasperated.
Elysia is not a protagonist but more like a villain with every sentence, paragraph, and chapter that goes on.
"What the hell does that kid of yours think he's doing?" Orfeo demanded, shoulders huffed up, "You bring him here once and now he thinks he can make business deals?"You certainly didn't. Logic is not Les's forte.
“First off-“ I sliced my hand across the air, pointing accusingly at him, “he’s not my kid. Second of all, I tried to stop him and third, I’m against any business deal he has to offer. Because frankly, we don’t need help.”
Yes, you need help. One of the strongest things you can do as a person is admit your flaws and ask help from others. It builds community. Consider how Elysia is willing to let her employees go homeless and destitute all because she cannot admit she fucked up the business.I shouldn’t have said that.
This is indeed karma. You get what you deserve.
“Do you want the kid here or not?? Then I suggest you ENCOURAGE your business partner to think otherwise,” I whispered with heated defiance.
"Actually…” he grinned maliciously at me, “I think I'm going to take my chance with listening now.”
Oh, fuck yes. The grain hoarder manages to have more sense than the magical heroine. Imagine that!Oh fuck no.
"Is this true, Elysia?" she questioned with the upmost integrity.
I held my hand out, and I honestly...laughed. I fucking laughed.
Arno gives his explanation and he's upfront about how the Café will be shuttered. Confronted with her mistakes and lies, Elysia promptly accuses him of being a liar and how, compared to her, he isn't authorized with the truth. Reminder all this ire and hatred came from Arno telling her the truth.“The boy is in no place or order to even suggest making a business deal on behalf of an entire café staff that has no idea what this...deal entails,” I think I was amused to hide the unchecked ire threatening to combust inside me.
Giselle studied me carefully, her chin tilting slightly down as she glanced over to Arno then back at me. Then, she smiled curtly, standing up a moment after, "I'm certain you do. I have no doubt in your skills," and began walking to the doorway. There her eyes gazed over, inspecting me briefly before heading outside.What to do when a fellow Person of Colour, one of the 4,000-5,000 blacks in all of France because Les doesn't know the demographics, disagree with Elysia? Looks like we're going to find out.
"I am going to be the one to Mentor and straighten this boy, and if he ever disagrees with me or tells me what I'm doing wrong I am going to humiliate him and kill him."“I’m going to pike your head on a lance,” I snarled out, my pupils sharpening as the fangs protruded out my mouth. Arno remained oblivious, clearly blinded from the darkness of my hood.
Thanks for making your PeeOhCee Mary Sue a walking stereotype.
If Black was aware Elysia nearly killed his novice, even when Arno was in the right, do you think he'd do the right thing and lynch her? No. He's too good for that. I honestly wonder how Les is going to handle his eventual death. Will Arno kill him, or Elysia? Man, I can't wait for Shay to kick her ass.“That would...be bad, especially for dear ol’ Bellac who awaits my safe return soon.” He patted my shoulder, and thumbed to the door, “I don’t think that would be a good idea.” And he walked out.
I inhaled shakily, ignoring the thousands of voices in my head...and stalked. But I didn’t go far until-
“Hey.” Orfeo had shut the café with lock and key, following closely in step; it was clear to see that the immortal obviously enjoyed watching a boy being steps away from death. Arno kept brisk in his stride, hurriedly heading to walk alongside Maduka who stared at him briefly before setting his eyes ahead, targeting Jacques who still held onto the other teen’s palm.Were this ever posted to FFnet, this girl would get a helluva beating from me, and she deserves it. I have never seen a case of OOCness and disregard for canon so blatant and insulting, and this is coming from someone who has real a lot of shitfics. To add salt to the wound, she's going to make him repent - not her, because she is perfect - by taking three dicks up his ass. Maybe it would've been better for him to die.
“WHAT,” I exhaled softly, pinching the bridge of my nose. My eyes darted to the corners, seeing Orfeo treacherously smirking, and something about it tethered to my throat.
"A little upset this morning, aren't we?" he teased.
You know, I really can't help but think Les is living out her everyday frustrations here. She deals with Fucking White Males all the time, she tweets about how awful they are all the damn time, but she loves writing two white males fucking...despite being a lesbian and bragging about it all the damn time.“Stop,” I huffed, Arno sensing my glued eyes to his back, turned, and smiled with a small wave. Maduka exchanged his glance, and walked a bit faster to avoid being affiliated, but the young man was right beside him trying to start a conversation. “Out of all the things that could’ve happened today….”
Orfeo is spitting straight facts, but since he's immortal like her she cannot kill him so easily.
Orfeo asked, "Be honest, would you have been without a place or going out to kill someone for a deed or two?"
You were in charge of the business. It was up to you.“Whether there would’ve been a place or not was not up to me,” I replied, rolling my eyes and discontinuing my stride, “I did all that was asked of me. That’s it.”
"Which was?"
'Why do you caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeee' whines the angry PeeOhCee. Gee, has nothing to do with your fuck-ups, does it?“…Why do you care,” I scoffed, pushing against his shoulder as I continued my predatory pursuit.
Orfeo found himself rolling his eyes, swiping at his shoulder as he trailed, "I rather you don't end up living at my bakery and working full time there because of whatever issues you have-"
Don't ask Elysia about work. This nepotistic bitch likes living for free, just like her creator. Shitty drawings don't bring in a profit, Les.I held out my palm, the flat end signaling Orfeo to halt and look directly at me, “Okay, if you actually think I would ever go live with you- that’s rich,” I snorted out, giving him an incredulous look.
Yes, because you were in charge of the business and ran it into the ground. Consider how fucking quick you were to punish and kill Arno for suggesting it to you. You wouldn't kill Giselle, because she's a fellow PeeOhCee like you. But you would kill Arno...because he's a Fucking White Male mansplaining things to you.The further we walked quietly through Paris’ street did I sense the dread; if Arno did manage to have convinced Giselle, and she saw this potential that the shop had, it was undoubted that she would jump at the chance regardless of Orfeo or Pierre’s involvement; she was that kind of woman to take charge. I admired that, but did it have to be so suddenly with…this, all of this?
I didn’t like my chances, of being…stuck with something I wasn’t able to change. Of being stuck with added responsibility I could have avoided.So...why the Hell are you here? You don't like responsibility? You're an Assassin Mentor. You are required to be responsible. You expect others to be responsible yet happen to be one of the most selfish cunts I've ever read. If I had video making equipment, I'd roast this story even farther.
The dark wing along his back was in full view, and I saw it visibly drag along the ground. Its smog wavered along his feet, and it climbed to create this trailing effect behind him with each step he took. As if his very existence dragged itself through whatever bullshit it was going to go through. And, despite our distance, I could still catch wind of the damp smell of it before.I'm willing to accept meta-humans or superior beings in AC. I am not willing to accept Sephiroth rip-offs from a fandom with little in common with AC. Immortals? Black angel wings? An OC who tears into others and is suddenly worrying about people being 'upset' with her?
I couldn’t.
I can’t.
I came, I saw, I fucked it up.Not again.
There was no force on this damn world to stop what was already speed balling down this steep ravine. I knew Charlotte, and whatever Arno graced her with, it was going to come to fruition. I crossed my arms and rested myself against a beam near the cushioned seats. When Mathias finally approached, he served himself his coffee after he bowed his head briefly to the group. He walked over to me; his glassed eyes narrowed as he stirred the sugar in his drink.Let's reiterate: Arno saw a problem. He made a suggestion to fix it and acted on it. Elysia tried to kill him.
She hates how he's right, and despite her mental dialogues how she never wants to take responsibility, every action has a reaction. She is suffering the consequences of her misdeeds. Do you think she'll admit that? No.
She is fixing your mistakes for you, all because you didn't want to admit you destroyed the business. Leave it to someone else to fix the decisions of the OC, and then have said OC blame the person trying to fix it.If only she knew what she was getting herself into.
“And you thought this was a bad idea,” Arno called from his seat, leaning himself back on it. I ignored his existence completely, pressing my knuckles to my mouth, my eyes glued to the ground in thought.
'I avoid confrontation' says the PeeOhCee who wanted to murder a man who dared tell her she cannot handle finances or run a business. She craves confrontation, and whenever things go wrong, she'll pull a 180. Character consistency is not Les's strong point.“Don’t push it,” I sounded off, rubbing my eyes. I could hear Orfeo chuckle to himself a couple of yards away, while Maduka looked at his back….eyes narrowed. Questioning. I avoided confrontation. It was after a good ten minutes that the trio came back, and the look on Giselle’s face proved the final nail in my coffin. Mathias, looking so strained before, had less furrowed lines resting on his forehead, looking content with what was shared and said.
No, Elysia was in charge of the whole thing. If Charlotte was, she never told Elysia what was going on because Elysia would have killed her if she popped her bubble. Of course she doesn't care what happens to the business. It's not her responsibility.“Charlotte-“ I gritted my teeth, but she didn’t falter, and she gripped my arm. Mathias tensed, his mouth firm in a line as he grabbed the nearest chair beside for balance. “This is your establishment and it was given to you and only you. If you want to pour all your savings into it or burn it to the ground- I don’t care which.”
“I know what I did!” I didn’t mean to yell, but I was there, and the entire chamber froze in this icy atmosphere. But despite this, against all the odds, Charlotte still hung onto me….like she did many years ago. “….I know…what I said to you,” I corrected.Elysia never apologized when she's honest. She apologizes when she gets caught. Upset not because you're guilty, but because you were called out.
I turned to Orfeo, and a menacing smile crossed my face, “I’m actually...going to murder you. In your sleep. I hope you know that.”
He caught my look, and the corner of his mouth lifted, eyebrows furrowed, "You can try, but you're not going to succeed."
This will never get old, will it? A brown woman losing her shit because a white guy took charge and fixed her mistakes. First World problems.“I beg to differ,” I took a step forward, and the closer I got, the more my Twilight sparked from the pressure, ready to overtake whatever space Orfeo occupied in the room.
“Oh…did I touch a nerve?” he replied, and took a step toward me, his breath slightly tickling the fabric of my cowl. Without it, it would’ve been right within the confinements of my space, and he knew it. “You get so upset, when in reality, this was all your fault to begin with. And you know it.”OK, I love this character now.
“You have some nerve,” I answered back, and I was almost positive I kept making it chaotic with every answer I kept providing back. This amused him to an exceptional degree.
Goddamit, stop making sense!He didn’t waste a second, "You're the one inciting it."
“You might’ve solved our situation there, Arno,” Grisier patted his back while Maduka stood beside.
“It’s not a problem, anything I can do it he-ALP-“ Arno was in my clutch, his arm reaching out and missing Grisier’s (who managed to step away subtly in time). “H-Hey!”
Translation: you humiliated me, and now I'm going to make you pay even though you saved the business I single handedly destroyed.“I’m going to make you run laps until your legs fall off,” I hissed, rounding to the front of the courtyard.
If he ain't dead, this bitch will make his life a living Hell.“…..Well see you later, Arno!” Grisier waved off, Maduka staring off with a deadpan glance.
"….I don't think stupidity is a strong enough word."The lack of self-awareness. Stunning and brave.
"Fair enough,” James chuckled, drumming his fingers on his bent knee, "You weren't this stressed since Stephen joined; I think Clement got you too soft on your expectations."
I really have to ask: why would - and should - anyone respect Elysia? The whole Café saw how she went after Arno for offering a solution to the Café's problems. There were witnesses when she attacked him and told him how much she wanted to kill him. Knowing this, would anyone tell the Mentorship how bad she is for everyone? No, because they all fear and loathe her, and instead of casting her out or killing her, they accept everything she does."That's because Clement actually listens to me, unlike how you and Stephen were," I countered, tapping my digit against his chest. "Finding 'better' alternatives to our missions, and then speaking out of turn every chance you could. You both grew notorious for that, British assassin."
No one should ever listen to this manic woman. She has clear favouritsm, and she punishes Arno for being right.
“What…you think I’m funny?” I shook my head, sighing silently, “That’s a stretch.”If you're funny, Jeffrey Epstein definitely killed himself.
“…You’re not wrong.” I hummed in thought, “He’s the one who introduced me to the Parisian Brotherhood, at the time.”
A fellow PeeOhCee helped another PeeOhCee get a position she didn't deserve. Going off the previous chapter, she doesn't even like Beylier...especially when he disagrees with her. I'm noticing a trend, here."Did he really? I…didn't know that."
The true insubordinate is the woman who let a business run into the ground and refused to allow help. Elysia calls Arno an insubordinate for telling the truth. Assassin Mentors are supposed to listen to what their novices have to say - it's how they build trust. Elysia has made it clear she will not tolerate anyone telling her she's wrong - and she'll make a public spectacle of attempted murder.“That man has stuck out his neck for me more than he should’ve but….” I shrugged, “Here we are, watching an insubordinate running laps around the largest church in the city because he doesn’t know how to keep his damn mouth closed, while Beylier’s off drinking tea in peace.”
“It’s tragic and I need mercy.” I rested my back against the stone pillar beside, facing James properly with my legs folded underneath me. “....He saved the café manor, it looks like.”What's this? An admission of guilt? Say it ain't so!
I collected my words, “I commend you for your efforts, James, for your unwavering dedication to your goals, and to the rest of the team. I know I don’t….say it much, but what you do…..I don’t think I can ever do. Not again.”Never mind. Here comes the unwarranted self-importance.
"I..." James withheld the rest of the sentence, slouching in his posture to let this relaxed demeanor take hold of his face, "I'm glad I can be of assistance then, Elysia. You've taught me much and you've also given me enough liberty to be able to handle things at your behest. I don't believe I would have been able to get this sort of experience anywhere else." He settled his wrists against his knees, looking over to the sunset beyond, "But if there is...any consolation...I think you're doing well despite...what might have happened in your past. If I may be so bold."If this guy knew she tried to kill a novice for telling her of his mistakes, I bet his compliments would dry up in a heartbeat. What she teaches others clearly doesn't slide with how she acts in other parts of the text. Elysia is trying to add humanity, a person who looks up to her, but it clashes with everything she says, does, and tries to do.
The 'experience' she offers is take away the story of Unity's main protagonist, destroy him, and kill him all because he told her she was wrong.
It's more than pathetic. It's petty.
"Try me."
“….I fell in love once,” the words drifted, as if I actually didn’t say them. As if a part of me did, something that wished to be held onto, but my eyes said nothing as I faced the horizon. And there, the voices spoke, they grew in size, multiplied and sung their chorus in the air. All I heard was the tingling noise, and the muffled sounds of dashing footsteps stories below. “But things ended…. differently.”
At this point, the characterization is insulting. I didn't just wade through thousands of words about how a character refused to accept help to save her sinking business. I listened to her admit she wouldn't care if it burned; how she doesn't want to handle any responsibility. Now I hear she'll be a kind and caring ear for a guy who fell in love with another dude. My guess is this guy will be Arno's second boytoy."….I'm listening."
Elysia says she's seen 'many sunsets'. But it's obvious this racist, sexist, murderous bitch is able to get away with doing anything she wants provides no one tells her it's wrong.
She has no impulse control. This is the ninth chapter and we're 20,000 words away from 100,000 words and that milestone will be reached by next month. Les is completely unaware and unable to craft a character that can carry the story.
Inherent inconsistencies abound: Elysia is willing to listen to specific characters - gay or PeeOhCee - but will throw an absolute tantrum when Arno, a Fucking White Male, comes up with a solution in under a minute that she could not figure out in months. She never asked about the deed, lease, or funds. She allots that responsibility on others because she refuses to take it on herself. In front of mobs of people she will hunt down an Assassin novice she is entrusted to teach all because he dared talk back to her.
Coming from Les, who decries those attitudes in men, has no problem doing it to men because, after all, reverse sexism doesn't exist. There's also a degree of subtle racism here: Elysia sees Arno as a non-human. She refuses to consider his points or agree that he is right - that is what an actual mentor does. She should be willing to hear what others have to say.
Elysia is merely reflecting the modern attitude of her authors and writers in general: 'I do not have to listen to what you have to say, and will take away that right so I can benefit.' As an irrational being, Elysia shows herself to truly be inferior to others. She does not inspire respect or care for her employees. She openly admits she doesn't care if they're on the street. She does not look out for their safety, even though they rely on her. She blames everyone and anyone else for her own problems. When people tell her she is the one at fault, she blows a gasket.
Are these character flaws that can sell a re-write? No. Not even Thanos was this petty. Magneto was a Jewish born mutant supremacist and he didn't have this much hate for life.
Les is totally unaware of the FUBAR she's created. She has said Elysia is an 'asshole', which is a massive understatement. She expects me to believe Elysia will carry this 're-write', when her despicable attitude is made clear in the text. When it becomes clear how much of a threat she is, Les adds a few 'human moments'. These do not disprove the premise Elysia is a fundamentally evil character. It shows Les doesn't know how to use her own creative control to write a good story.
At the end of the day, all this started because Arno told Elysia she fucked up. She hated him for it. But you know what? Arno stole the show. He was right. Elysia hates that, and Les hates his character, so she'll 'make him even gayer'.
It still brings a smile to my face when the PeeOhCee Zelda stand got what she deserved. Good on you, Arno. That's my boy.
Always remember: inferiority is the opposite of genius.
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